This post is originally from http://goodwomenproject.com/singleness/trying-to-write-a-love-story. I chose to post this article here because the writer’s experiences are very similar to mine. I hope that this will give useful insights on singleness and waiting on God. 🙂
I have never had a boyfriend. Officially.
Yeah, there have been some crushes that have turned out to be mutual but they didn’t go far. Not as far as everyone else’s relationships did.
As I look back I really believe God was the one that made them stop. He always made something happen right before things would go to the next level. I have stories to prove it. But I know he did it to protect me.
At that time I didn’t like it. I would get mad. I wished that God would allow a relationship to develop at least once. Even if it was only going to last a little while. I wanted to be the girl that would get balloons and a present brought to her at school by her boyfriend. I wanted to be the girl that would have a boyfriend to lie on the grass with. I want to be the girl that felt someone wanted her forever. Thank God He didn’t listen to me.
Because of these desires I did little things to showcase myself in front of any potential boyfriend. They were extremely subtle but my desire was blatant.
As time went by, God began to speak to my heart. He told me that if I let Him, He would provide a future husband for me. And I loved the idea. I began writing letters to this man, reading books on how to be a good help mate, and tried to do things like cooking and cleaning on my spare time so that I would “prepare myself” for marriage.
Then it happened. God asked the question. “Can you put this completely in my hands? I want to write your love story.” What was he talking about?! Of course it was in his hands! What was I doing wrong that he would ask that?
So I threw the question to the back of my mind and let it sit there.
It took some time, but I finally realized what he was talking about.
I was on my bed writing in the journal full of letters that I would one day give to my husband and it hit me. If I have put this area of my life completely in Gods hands why am I holding onto this journal as my source of security? Why am I spending so much time trying to prepare myself to be a wife when I don’t even know if it’s in God’s plan for my life? If it is God’s will that I want, why am I still acting upon my own will?
That night I didn’t finish my letter. I let it go. I felt it all slip out of my little hands and into the mighty hands of my Father.
I’m not writing those letters anymore. I’m not spending my time cooking and cleaning (I’m not saying those things are not important – but you know where I’m coming from). Instead I’m spending my time doing things I like to do. And I love every minute of it.
I am playing the guitar, going to concerts, leaving on trips with short notice, making my own schedule, hanging out with friends (a lot), investing time in my brother’s life, learning about my parents, living an adventure.
That last one is the most important to me. I’m living this adventure of seeking God and keeping my eyes only on him. He’s been showing me crazy things and taking me to places I never imagined I would go. I am completely fulfilled in him. I don’t need anyone else and I love that.
We are not independent beings. We were created to fill a hole in our heart. But what most people don’t understand is that it can’t be filled with a guy or girl. It is to be filled by God, our creator. When hole is filled, you will know it. It’s the most fulfilling thing out there.
So I already have my partner. I’m not saying I don’t want to get married.
That is one of my greatest desires.
But it doesn’t control me.
It’s not in my hands, it’s in His.