This post will be about my frustration I mentioned in an earlier post
Recently, I’ve seen some of my friends doing covers of songs, or uploading original compositions. They’re all good and they’re received well by other viewers. And to be honest, it made me feel jealous (?) I’m not quite sure of the exact emotion I felt, but I’m sure that it was an uneasy feeling. I felt that I could do better than what they did. I even sing better. Yet, they’re the ones who are being complimented and not me. I felt that I deserve compliments as well. I write well, I sing well, and I’ve been playing my instruments longer than they’ve been. Writing and making music is my thing. Seeing their videos made me want to upload my own with me singing my own original songs.
I felt frustrated because I haven’t written a whole song in 2 years. I was pressuring myself to produce what I can’t.
After collecting those thoughts, I was contemplating on what I should do about them. Should I force myself to write? Or should I let it pass? What was my real intention? Was it to express my ideas and feelings? Or was it to prove to people of the things I can do? Was it from the heart? Or was it just a reaction to the feeling of not getting acknowledged?
It dawned on me that what was pushing me to write songs was not right motivation. Though hard to admit, I was fueled by envy and pride. I wanted to glorify myself. But that wasn’t the purpose when I started writing my own music. I wrote to glorify God. I wrote to express my love for Him. Isn’t that why we’re all given talents? So that we may use it for His glory and all will know Him?
What was happening in the battlefield that is my mind was a strong desire to express love — love for myself.
Why force myself to write if there isn’t something to write about? Write if there’s a message. Don’t write because you think you should be writing.
Write to worship, not to perform. Performance is aimed at men; worship is towards God. He looks at the heart, not on outward appearance. Write to make God famous, not to make yourself famous.
More worship, less perform. More Jesus, less me.
If you [I] aren’t able to write right now, God has a reason. Maybe it’s not yet your [my] season. He’ll reveal the reasons in due time.
This was originally written in my journal on August 24, 2013. Exactly 2 months later, I was invited as a guest to a radio show on our university radio station DZUP because of my writing talent. God really moves in awesome ways. He ultimately is the Great Writer/Author.
I humbled myself down though it was difficult and look what happened 2 months later! He has His reasons why we must endure situations where we feel insignificant or unacknowledged. It is for us to know that only He can give what we truly deserve.